I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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