we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
