My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
