I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
We had sex on a dog bed..
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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