I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
