How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
