all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
