Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
