He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
we should paint friendship bongs
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