Got a toothbrush?
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Don't tell me you're on acid again
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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