But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
