I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
