I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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