my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
