She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
