My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
