It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
im about as happy as oj after his trial
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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