escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
