haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
