Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I looked at my own cervix.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
