never play flip cup with pint glasses
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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