Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
