I only kidnapped one of them. chill
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
