if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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