Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Me. At least after what I've been through.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
