You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
