ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
