apparently the secret to your success is patron
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
