It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
