Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
