Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
