we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
