You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
