All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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