That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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