I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i love accidental penises.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
