If i come over, it means nothing
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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