I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I CAN MOONWALK!
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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