It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
