I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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