he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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