It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Bring me that man meat
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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