I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
