hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
