I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
