I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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