I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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