i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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