Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
