I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
