brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
