A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
