I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
